You’ve decided to explore an open relationship. Maybe you and your partner want to spice things up in the bedroom with other swinger couples. Or perhaps you realized monogamy just isn’t for you, and you’d prefer a non monogamous lifestyle. Whatever the reason, opening up your relationship comes with a lot of exciting possibilities! However, it can also stir up some not-so-fun feelings like jealousy.
Don’t Feel Ashamed for Being Jealous
It’s totally normal to feel jealous in an open relationship or swinging! You’re human after all. For years, society has ingrained monogamy as the norm. It makes sense you’d feel a twinge of envy when your partner goes on a date. Feeling jealous doesn’t make you a bad partner. It simply means you have some insecurities to work through.
The key to jealousy with non monogamy is addressing jealousy in a healthy way. Bottling up envy often backfires. Talk to your partner so you can work through jealousy together. And remember, these feelings may fade over time as you adjust to your open relationship.
Reflect on the Root Causes of Your Jealousy
The first step to curbing jealousy is understanding where it stems from. Ask yourself some questions:
- Am I feeling insecure in the relationship? Do I worry my partner may leave me for someone else?
- Do I feel like I’m missing out when my partner goes on dates without me?
- Am I envious because my partner is seeing someone I perceive as more attractive/successful/fun?
Really dig into your emotions. Pinpointing the roots of jealousy makes it easier to combat. Once you identify your triggers, share them openly with your partner.
Set Some Ground Rules
Setting healthy boundaries can help minimize jealousy. Discuss rules that make you both feel safe and reassured. Here are some ground rules to consider:
- No overnights with new partners right away
- Always use protection
- Check-in texts during dates
- No dates with mutual friends
- Set a limit on number of partners
- Schedule quality time together after outside dates
Customize guidelines that work best for your relationship. Revisit the rules down the line to make changes as needed.
A caring partner should have no problem providing reassurance. They’ll tell you all the special qualities that make you irreplaceable. Feeling secure and valued by your partner goes a long way toward calming jealousy.
Focus on Personal Growth
Sometimes jealousy takes root because you don’t feel good about yourself. Make time for self-care and activities that boost confidence. Treat yourself to a spa day, go on that trip you’ve been wanting, or pick up a new hobby. Pursue goals that make you feel fulfilled outside your relationship.
Working on your sense of self-worth helps minimize paranoid thoughts when your partner dates around. You’ll feel secure knowing you’re an amazing, multifaceted person with or without them.
Jealousy is simply part of the open relationship and swingers lifestyle sometimes. But with ongoing communication, ground rules and self-care, you can keep things happy, healthy and full of love.
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